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Nigeria is a country with a never ending interesting episodes. In Nigeria, it is never a dull moment. We regale ourselves even as we suffer hardship from those who make subjecting us to hardship their topmost priority. What I consider an earnest debate about rulers and regimes in Nigeria is: “who and which among them is more callous and ruthless and lawless?” It is not about who and which is more beneficial.
This is not to say rulers in Nigeria do not have any achievements to their credit. Satan once spoke a truth but that does not make him truthful. The The Devil is ever a liar. Thus, our rulers are merciless towards us even if we point to some of their achievements.
The recent Yes Daddy audio conversation between ‘Daddy’ and Labour Party’s Peter Obi is another testimony to the fact that Nigerian politicians are charlatans. Any politician who thinks he or she is not a charlatan is free to self-exit themselves from this generalization. But could there possibly be one? What politicians do is to manipulate anything manipulatable to win election. They are chameleons—one can only determine their true and real colour at the risk of always getting it wrong. They say what they never meant and mean what they will never say. This is why each time I see clerics—with considerable integrity—banging the drum for politicians, I feel sorry for their nativity. I feel sorry for them for making themselves available tools in the hands of these charlatans.
Peter Obi put it to ‘Daddy’ that the election is a religious war and ‘Daddy’ responded: “I believe that”, “I believe that”, “I believe that”. Though Peter Obi dismisses the audio conversation as fake and heads to court. It is as if Obi has penchant for court. I believe the audio is not fake; but despite that, I don’t see anything strange in that leaked audio conversation. It is only that hypocrisy has become so entrenched in our political discourse such that we are always saintly while our opponents are always devilish. I don’t know any of the leading politicians who did not resort to clerics or ‘daddies’ for spiritual blessings, for manipulation of worshippers, and for mobilization of religious faithfuls prior to elections for support. Many prominent figures from the two major religious divides tagged 2023 election a religious war. It is not only Obi. In fact, it is not only inter religious war between Christians and Muslims. In some cases, it was also said to be an intra religious war between politicians of similar faith. So, the leaked audio conversation is nothing new.
If our individual phone conversations and private talks should be leaked like that of Obi’s and ‘Daddy’s, everywhere will be littered with incredulously nauseating ethnic cum religious slurs and hate speech. Which political party and aspirant did not use dangerous ethnic and religious rhetoric? The Igbos refuse to wean themselves of that ridiculous messianic daydreaming which makes them strongly believe Nigeria will not get it right until they rule. This, to some extent, informs the unrehearsed madness exhibited by some of the so called ‘Obidients’.
The Yoruba Ronú rhetoric (i.e. Yoruba! think! Don’t be deceived) was employed in the South West to whitewash the President elect. That is to say, no matter how bad Tinubu is, he remains your Yoruba brother. What about Atiku’s Naka Sai Naka in the north? It is a similar rhetoric which means yours is yours, no matter what. In a nutshell, the three major presidential candidates are in many ways alike. It is only that the most fortunate of them in manipulating ethnic and religion was declared to have won the election.
Should we assume the religious war in that leaked audio is real, we can assume rightly that it is going to be political religious war. I don’t think I will participate in that. But there is an ongoing war, I thought it has ended, waged by the Yoruba Christian fanatics in the Southwest against the hijab donned by female Muslims. What is in a veil? I don’t understand why supposedly learned Christians will continue to wage war against a veil used by Muslim ladies. They should bury their heads in shame. This is religious bigotry of a shameless category. Yes ‘Daddy’, and I mean it.
”Daddy’, you are aware that students were prevented from accessing the university owned by you for wearing Hijab. Please ‘Daddy’, in case you did not give your servants at the gate any order to prevent our daughters from accessing their exam venue because of their hijab, educate them that religious bigotry can bring down a country—and even a civilization— if it is not tamed. Please ‘Daddy’, do let them know that war on hijab which some Christian fanatics fought for decades had been won by Nigerian Muslims recently in the court of law.
Yes’ Daddy’, it is true that the hijab gives some fanatical Christians in you church headache. I want to assure you ‘Daddy’ that they have their constitutional right to hate the hijab—and whoever wears it—if that is an article of faith in your church. Nevertheless, they do not have the right to deny these hijab wearers access to exam venue in your colony.
Sir ‘Daddy’, I don’t think it is a must to host public examinations in your colony. I do not also think JAMB forced the venue on you. If that is the case, help educate your servants to be urbane and civil. At least they should learn how to feign tolerance for female Muslims with hijab next time JAMB schedules exams in your colony. I know the hatred for hijab is incurable in the hearts of some fanatics amongst your servants, but please ‘Daddy’ always remind them that this is Nigeria; this is not France.
Thank you ‘Daddy’. I later learnt that your servants at the Canaanland and Covenant University rushed to the gate to address the issue before it gathered much dust. I also learnt they absolved you from the hijab palaver that you never gave any order to harass the hijab wearing candidates. I Know you are not a fanatics; some of your disciples are. And I promise you ‘Daddy’, if you grant me this request by taming the bigotry and fanaticism of your disciples on this issue of hijab, you will never regret it. I meant it ‘Daddy’; you will never regret this support.
And lastly ‘Daddy’, please help pass this request of mine to all your desciples in the Southwest and Kwara. Sir, there isn’t much problem about the hijab in the Middle Belt. Kogi and Niger seem to be worrisome but things are getting better. But Kwara is surprisingly problematic and more worrisome. You can recall ‘Daddy’ that there was a recent hijab crisis in the state. Please ‘Daddy’, tell your disciples in Kwara, especially those in Offa, that the hijab is a religious and symbolic outer flowing attire donned by female Muslims and it distinguishes them from others the same way crucifix distinguishes you disciples. Let them know that it is a legal outfit for female Muslims anywhere in Nigeria. ‘Daddy’, we may need to talk more about religious war on hijab later today. Thank you ‘Daddy’. Thank you ‘Daddy’. Thank you.
If you have not listened to the leaked audio conversation between ‘Daddy’ and Obi, you may not be able to relate to this article. Next time when politicians tell you election is a religious war or jihad, try to asseess how religious they themselves are in the first place. Political elites in Nigeria are hardly religious. Religion is dead in their lives and that is why they are merciless. Don’t be fooled.
Abdulkadir Salaudeen
salahuddeenabdulkadir@gmail.com
