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To say Nigerians are going through Hell is an understatement. My advice to myself and other Nigerians who believe in the real Hell mentions in some revealed books is to mend our ways such that we do not end up falling from Nigerian Hell—under the current fuel hike and its gnashing effects—into the real Hell in the Hereafter. For me, one personal lesson is that Hell is real. But Hell, in theological discourse, is a final abode for sinners; are Nigerians being vengefully ushered into Hell for their sins for voting President Tinubu and for not voting him? I honestly don’t know. As it is very evident, both those who voted Tinubu and those who did not vote him (and even those who abstained from voting completely) are feeling the heat of the raging fire of the Hell. Some are burnt already in Nigerian Hell of this new government.
Is there any way to escape from sinning in Nigeria as Nigerians? To vote for a ruling party is a sin. To vote for opposition party is a sin. To abstain from voting is also a sin. I have identified two major ways—there could be other ways—not to be sinner in Nigeria: be one of the sheriffs in charge of meting out punishment to sinful Nigerians or find your way out of Nigeria—japa. How does one become a sheriff? Join the ruling class. Though it requires some bootlicking, hero-worshipping, genuflecting, sychophanting, and self-enslavement, joning the ruling class is like getting admission into Nigerian Paradise. Therein are unimaginable comforts and absence of sufferings. The greatest thing that brings comfort to the Nigerian ruling class is to see Nigerians gnashing in pains for the sin of voting and the sin of not voting.
Having lost all hopes in a country where hoping itself is a crime, Nigerians now grope about—in their miseries—in search for oxygen to breathe. With the recent Cook-a-thon breakthrough and its accompanying fortune, many Nigerians are making frantic efforts to escape Nigerian hardship through the trending “Thon.” Apparently fed up with avalanche of applications from Nigerians trying to railroad themselves into the Guinness World Record after the successful attempt by one Nigerian chef, the Guinness World Record revealed that it has received over 1, 500 applications from Nigerians. Though some criticize applicants, I don’t blame them. In fact, that shows how dedicated, diligent, and determined Nigerians are to achieve success. It is only that the environment here is not encouraging.
Yet, one should not inflict additional harm on oneself in an attempt to break some records and get some fortune to assuage the hardship government inflicted on all of us. And the irony is: Guinness World Record does not give any monetary award to record breakers. It only celebrates them. There is this funny case, though sad, of a Nigerian who recently went blind in his attempt to break record on Cry-a-thon. I initially thought it was a prank until I read an interview by BBC. In the interview, the Nigerian Cry-a-thon challenger confirmed that he had to force himself to cry to keep going on the self imposed week-long Cry-a-thon. At some point, he had to reduce the intensity of his wailing. According to him; “I had to re-strategize and reduce my wailing.” This is despite the headaches and difficulties. This is sad.
In reaction to the hopelessness exhibited by the masses, this government came up with what it calls Renewed Hope for Action Plan. With the wailing in the town, we have all realized and seen the Action Plan. The “Renewed Hope” in quick succession metamorphosed into “Renewed Shege” and re-metamorphosed again into “Shega-a-thon.” Though the Guinness World Record might not understand what “Shege” means; it is a jargon fathomable perhaps only to Nigerians. What the Guinness World Record would understand is “Suffer-a-thon”. Suffering in Nigeria is unbearably unbearable—to say the least. It has led to burukutu sellers strike. I will come to this shortly.
The “action plan” in the “renewed hope” intends to distribute N8, 000 to 12 million households in Nigeria—the so-called poor Nigerians. A household is said to comprise five members. One should think these 12 million households are different from the 133 million Nigerians already steaming in the cauldron of multi-dimensional poverty. I am confused. I don’t know how that figure (12 million households) was arrived at. To the political strategist—elected as Nigerian President—distributing N53 daily to each Nigerian who is “lucky” to get the renewed hope palliative will go a long way to ameliorate their hardship for six months. So, what after six months? I don’t know the clown (or clowns) who sold this idea to Mr President, but it tells how worthless Nigerians are in the eyes of the ruling class. The total sum of the six months palliative is N48, 000. This cannot by a bag of maize which now goes for N50, 000. The Nigeria Labour Congress in its July 18 Press Release contends that the proposed palliative cash transfers is an attempt to rob the poor and pay the rich.
The NLC is saying nothing new—we are used to being robbed by those who should care for us. What is painful is in-your-face-robbery—a tactless robbery. While a Nigerian gets N53 palliative which is to stop after six months, 469 law makers are to get N70 Billion which is about N149 million for each as palliative for whatever hardship they face—this is apart from the N40 Billion earmarked for bullet proof cars for the law makers. This is unbelievable. I wanted to fault my calculator for wrong computation, then I saw that it tallies with the NLC’s.
While it is too early to judge a government after spending just barely two months on the saddle, is it not also too early for such government to launch millions of Nigerians into mournful mood? If the ridiculous palliative ratio of N149, 000,000 (for a law maker) to N8, 000 or N53 daily (for a poor Nigerian) is anything to go by, one would unhesitatingly write off this government. I learnt the ridiculous palliative has been shelved for other alternative.
Back to burukutu sellers and their strike. Nobody is talking about strike. Probably because Nigerians are already on hunger strike and trekking strike. Even the NLC in its well penned Press Release avoids the word “strike” except when it explains its decision not to embark on it. Nigerian masses, with the look of things, will soon be shut out of their local markets where grains are sold. Only burukutu sellers in Taraba State state are able to embark on strike because they cannot afford the prohibitive price of grains (a major ingredient in making burukutu). I just pray this strike by burukutu sellers will not provoke the government into making things more difficult for the masses. I am afraid it will be said to the masses “Oh! You still have money and time for burukutu, when we expect hungry to kill you completely. Una never see anything.”
For those who do not know or take burukutu (I don’t take it too because it makes one behave insanely), it is a local liquor made from grains. The strike by these women burukutu sellers only sounds funny to me, though they have their constitutional right to embark on strike and protest. But striking over burukutu!? Of all things!? However, the painful pain is that we all make use of grains. As it affects burukutu sellers and drinkers so does it affect tuwo and àkamu sellers and consumers. This suffer-a-thon is beyond what Guinness World Record can celebrate. It has no provision for this variant of Nigerian suffer-a-thon. May this sufferings end soon.
Abdulkadir Salaudeen
salahuddeenabdulkadir@gmail.com
